Your looking for power suction you say without the chord?  Or the menacing cut dick rut  that comes from all those dirt devil blades?  Yeah me too.   Maybe I'm just lookin for that Elvira circa 2014 without the old lady skin tones and probably all Brazilian…well maybe not all but def somewhat. 

This is the obligatory, adulatory, hortatory, Batholomew Holiday Christmas blog I warned you about.  My civic duty to be fulfilled, with one so skilled I can jack off left handed with a leg cramp(us).

So now it comes to my attention I should step back away and down at work.  Keeping my fortune and fame for the most part anyways.  Yeah.  Then it has not come to said attention I cannot keep any of the fame.  Just the majority of the fortune.  Mis or otherwise.  See how that Miss part...which turns to Mrs.  always seems to ruin a mans day?  No? 

so while you were sleeping and dreaming your girl was sexting me.  Ya and now I too can call myself big papa pump since I got so many freaks out there.

How many times can we come here to say...how tired we are of the same old shit.  Then you still load the same shot into the needle...I mean..bullet into the gu....erm you grab the remote and go straight to the same channel.  Yeah that's it.

You know...more men should really use the Dennis system.  I mean how many women...around here especially even know what the fuck that is?  Yeah I thought so.  See you ladies have been quite fortunate I never adopted said approach to your love and affection.  *insert evil laugh*

Yes.  I am afraid every gas station seems to be supporting this disorder now.  For shame.

Oh you dont quite get what the title implied?  Your not sure about the wording...or the horrible charlatan this problem has become in the lives...minds....souls of men all around your local country store.

What’s in that v you ask?  Maybe a vagina or a vampire…that’s on fire since my finger feels like I stuck it in Godzilla’s ass while he got a head job from a volcano…why you ask?  Out of a common and reinforced need for human decency and reluctance to resuscitate old wounds like Mum Ra in that porno with your aunt Cindy…...

Tired. Nearing the end of a road.  Got a new fucking keyboard.  It's the progenitor's pick. Its the same model as the one it replaces.  That's fucking awesome.  It's like the bed in the middle of the room, you both slip off to the side of after you wake up dry mouth hung over and think...man did I fucking do that?  And you wonder...why is this room so fucking bright?  When do you get up in the morning??  Wtf.  No curtains...no blinds?  What are you some kind of serial killer?  Or camcorder rapist?

So. I know you may be wondering....where the fuck was he last week?  Well I was on vacation.  Or as I have seen black friends say....Hey no racist there...they aint white or latino...so they be black damn it.  Break.  Yes Break.  I needed one.  Someone fucked it up anyways though.  So you know this shit is new....and you know its just for your pleasure...ribbed and all like a spiked club.