Electrijolt

I wonder, I do, if the world had thought ah like dc he hit the new new 52 and decided to call it a decade.  Well no I didn't and that kind of conspiracy is just the kind of shit that keeps me spitting like Shatner and Dick Rambone all over your lcd or for most of these readers crt and calzone.  Call me bored color me red, green or purple with beige polka dots I don't give a fuck, but before you defile my complexion with your color blind gauno sticks.  So fellatiate, emaciate and imagine this....no not really I just wanted to rhythm something to feel like a famous rapper even though I couldn't say three words back to back without stuttering worse than billy Bob Thornton riding a lawnmower on a lunar rover mission with Angelina jollies favorite strap on hooked to a breathing tube stuck in his ass. 

n all seriousness I came here to wonder.....and ask once again retroactively....what the fuck happened to some of the best shit ever....like JOLT cola.  No not that mockery that is jolt energy....the original sugar and caffeine get beat kid meth that was the super addictive mental steroid testosterone level raising, ever wonder why there was fifth grader's with beards?....well now you know why, and you wonder why I write these things?  Well i got Jolt back in eighty six for a whooping dollar a case....so yeah that explains a lot.  Back on topic though...think people......and don't say oh that retro jolt can in new york, that shit aint got sugar in it.  I want the play Russian roulette with a Beretta feeling you can only have with some pure cane....sugar.  I want that lightning bolt feeling again....I bet if your dick don't work....a couple cans of jolt will a) kill you or b) get your dick back on track.  I bet it cures cancer and that's why the vanishing act.  
I remember it tasted like pepsi....back when I liked pepsi....now pepsi taste like dirty socks after you took em off a sweaty set of moose balls.  But I digress....everything was better when it had sugar in it...im sure I said this before so moving on.  Bring back the jolt with sugar...rebel ffs.  They get retro moutain dew, which used to kick ass, kinda...meh now.  Then retro pepsi, which I can drink its alright kinda dirty socks sans bullwinkle balls.  Just another thing the nineties killed, like jfk and the idea of being happy.  
Someone, hit me up if you find some real retro Jolt.  Vintage...erm...1985.  I will drink a can of that shit, maybe throw some bourbon in it for that super steel erection effect.  Like phantom spaceman with a chuck norris beard and clint eastwood gun.