But.....

I.....

Digress....


Yeah now Shatners here fiddlin on the roof with a strang banjo and some bath salts.  Getting beamed up to Scottie.....but Scotties secretly Satan and wants to steal Kirks soul, but then....Mr. Spock appears with the dilithium crystals reverse morphed into a phaser set to kill, and reveals that Kirk has no soul because he is a Scientologist.
 -
 Thanks Eddie Murphy for that one, even if you are gay.-

So im gonna leave you for another......year or three high as an islam fundamentalist snortin nitro glicerine at his cousins gas station. 

Ladies and gentlemen...Elvis has left the building.

 well he did quit and I too share guilt in the whole fifty two fiasco.  Unlike afformentioned Image founder, I do at least fifty two pieces of work a year, or each volume should be officially fifty two.  So I have fun with numbers even if I dont know how to count.....which is not ironically unlike an image year which must have fell on a leap year since you see four issues every ten years....and you of course advertise as much, with a huge red First Issue In A Decade! Plastered up in the corner, and when I see it im like....seriously I took a year....or two off?  And I dont even get fucking paid...and you get to take ten and it's supposed to be your livihood?  Tha fuck was that industry thinking....now I dont remember the hard drinks and hookers but a Hunter S Thompson life style will do that to you just ask Jimmy Swagert or one of the Bakers.  
Alas put the tag New, or reboot on a turd and your swear it's a fucking rose so many people come to smell that shit.  It;s like santana in summer or a broke condom when you knew she had aids anyways.  Where were we before we got infected and non succesfullly rejected, since we are all serial killer rapist.  Thats right, we rape serial killers.
So back to the new or as I would call it....the NU Fifty Two.  Its such a draw, a reboot a nut job its a hot chick in spandex with the only wetspot at the crouch and she's packing some serious hard nipples to sweeten the deal.  But thats just an image, and you dont want that image to be united cause that shits about as life threatening as a late period in the month of May. Maybe add a dash of golden girls packing strap on's to your list of what makes you scream, So take the chainsaw back and get out those pills cause the hills have eyes and you gotta be awake to see the prune pussy and track marks on that saggy ass.  
Now see you done gone and got me reinvinenting myself again.  Im like Charlie Sheen in a bowling shirt, I dont need anger managment, Im packing what Ron Jermeys lacking.  But thats a good enough send off for this real shit?  Or would it have gone smoother if I was talking about chapped lips and hemoroids? This  Insult and injury decicated to  hyper dermic death sentence's and the letter 2.

So how about we reduce cost, fuck equality since only 1% matter anymore...any ever.  This is nuclear winter without the fallout.  And you thought I didnt have a conspiracy theory or five hundred roaming around in this bitch.  Ya I read disneylad of the gods too you know.  I know the mib are watching and probably the only reader I still have around here.....waiting for me to fuck up so they can send two face and the Riddler after me with some estrogen pills and a turkey baster.
No seriously though folks, censorship is a real caution now.  So many people are or were so famous you cant just go saying insane shit around these webs, least Uncle Sam hires a diabetic alcoholic insomniac robot to read all these post, watch all these "viral" videos and comment on all these threads.  Oh, why the "viral" quotation?  Cause those videos are about as welcome as bubonic plague in an orphanage.  Fucking no talent look at me's fucking up or catching a random happening and getting a million views......AFHV.  
Yeah that's right Bob the antichrist dice Sagat cornered this snotty bitch ass market twenty years ago.  So once again your just refreshing the same old shit, dodo flambe anyone?  Extra special sauce you say?  Only if you ask nicely...no Just kidding you can have all you want *insert smiley*.
Im just waiting for it to all come down....its hard to see through the shit stains on the runway now...its so bad if I don't go to work twenty hours a day I get a fucking headache.  It's cool we can all have a piece of the pie now.....really it is.  But shit man that chocolate aint goin on nipples and them apples have goin bad....but hey its why Im still here with winning lines like......Bath Salts and fecal pes cut with a razor blade.  
Who else could say that without a straight face?  Well other than Adam Sandler with a gay robot hanging up his ass like a clothes hangar in a microwave.  
You caught me...im just bumping this dead horse like a cocaine covered penis pump, catch the full story at eleven.

Yeah the scary as fuck hours of the night.  By this time every nightmare and monster in your children s tales and secretly at the back of damn near every man cept maybe Chuck Norris or Rambo's mind has had its coffee and morning time cigarette.  Your just the nice sack of jelly filled donuts its been looking for.
Thats the kind of night Im used to breaking down and the road its gonna be on, when I wasnt even gonna go that way but though fuck it...I'll listen to this song and feel the wind in my hair.  So why is the am so much worse?  Well this road being a terrible road at noon, on Saturday...one of the most relaxed and good feeling days of the week....transforms when the lights go out.  It isnt much worse at say ten pm on Saturday since thats the early part of the night, you might have just now got out for the evening and if your walkin this road for any reason you've got something to drink to make the journey easy and light. 
 No the night gets a lot worse later...by one am the nights in full swing, its like the regular scheduled fuck time or late show, so the witching hour is out in light of this being the twitching hour.  But you add two to that and everything is fucked up on a dark road....yeah these roads dont have street lights...and they have like sixteen cemeteries and wild animals....and it gets like thirty degrees colder once you decide your not sitting there waiting to get murdered.  You talk to yourself to keep shit straight....you smoke...a lot if you smoke, but you dont dare run no matter what....running will only make it worse...for some reason. If your walking till the light hits....it's like the end of a Friday The Thirteenth and shit...you just can't believe you survived the night of the demons.....and everything is alright, even if you were up forty five hours you get a burst of energy and smile and are happy.....
Hopefully that can help clear up some of the nonsense a dark road at three fifteen can conjure and help you see why the  pm hours are out since you associate them with the day light...even if it is dark, no Dracula's out at eleven pm. He's doin dinner and a movie with *shudder* Ann rice.  Maybe there are worse fates than being gay after all.  

Yes, Chinese Lemmings no less. Fed a bad apple by the good guy corporation and the lords of the cock rings over at Apple.  This was supposed to be a nice well executed expose piece...but the evidence has since been flushed down the toilet by the same Fiends mentioned above with their diabetic coma called Ios 6.....so in that vien we shall move on since this subject is about fifty years old now, but print isnt the internet now is it?  And if I shit on Bill Cosby will he call it jello pudding?  Thats another debate for your dollar right there...maybe a kung fu action grip R Kelly cameo in the somewhere too.
So its back to leisure time and Im gonna put my dick on your back like a production company, or maybe black an eye or two...cause that shit hits like Hollifield full of heroin and beef burritos, and with all this mindless random debauchery....why no JL Rawlings rips or rants? Fifty shades of grey for those like me that are grossly uninformed...sometimes thankfully.  No rants rape or raves because bitch's aint shit is on the radio and she couldnt get laid if the world had aids and her pussy was the only cure.  So in short....she never even made a blip on my radar.  Thats right hoe take your coagulated c spot and handcuffs back to the hermaphrodite store...noone's buying your limp dick lipstick recipe over here.
Thought for the day.....You gotta be out of your mind ever so often to meet reality again, that or touch a (your) twat in sunday school.

Oh?  Did I say this was going to be a nice one?  With shiny nosed reindeer and a jolly old fat man pervin on teenage girls at the mall who smells like cheap scotch and hot wings?  I don't recall that....since the holidays in my line of work turns out to be the worst thing you can see outside jigsaw in a zipper mask with a blow torch and a sack full of puppies.  

I mean you know me...bitch bitch bitch....and then belly ache some more about some fundamental fucking human trauma that is just another break down brought on by our own narcifuckingsistic cystic fibrosis society.  You wanted big?  You got it, you wanted it now?  You got it.  You wanted the truth?
Well you cant handle the mother-fuck-ing truth.  Why do I say that?  Why am I asking so damn many questions?  Why am I saying fuck so much.....

well people I think you need to know that all of this is just the evolution you were wanting back in the eighties, only everything is scaled down and desensitized now like you shot the cocaine directly into the veins of your dick.  This is what happens when the media and big companies figure out what the fuck we want before we want it....and they deliver. 

Like Satan Clause they bring it down like penis pump full of razor blades in a suit case you found in the back room at Mattlock's apartment.  Oh and Happy holidays, since saying Merry Fucking Christmas is probably not very widely accepted unless your Italian or one of George Carlin's relatives...

I thought I would give this gift to you...this year only, kind of like how your dog gives all the neighbors the gift of his steamy dog shit all over their yards when the grass gets tall so they step in it and have that weird brown yellow dandelion looking color shit all over the bottom of their shoes.

Wit that one I am out, try to enjoy the day, night, weekend folks.  Don't choke the women or men you pay tonight, don't smoke crack and get arrested and if your gonna do a porno at least leave the Santa hat out of it...your kids will forgive you one day...

Yeah so what fuck it. Didn't I say do what you do a while back?  Didn't Donte say it like twenty years ago?  Don't know who that is?  Read a police report from ninety nine....or call yourself lost, you've had one too many and still can't count all the styrofoam cups with ether in em and road spike dildos with hazard signs shoved up your ass.....This shit is like kiss but not with that grotesque cow tongue small dick cover up Gene Simmons loves to show off, more like the one that has depleted uranium on it and makes your dick fall of and then a rat with manges runs off with it.  But the rat starves to death and the end of the book is all sad like something out of Maus.  Google it people, if even that is not now above the law of physics for man and man made things.  
Maybe Im just ranting here.....to fill some space....my head kinda hurts and its only eight o'clock....nothing to drink for a while now....lots of fucking work.....with no gain but hey people say look at that hard worker!  And I suppose....that is supposed to make the workahol death worth it....yes because someone that would not could not will not ever make it better said you worked good.  Thanks guys, go fuck yourself, and I would say the horse you rode in on...but I dont want someone to call the animal police on me.
So next week.....I promise to have something to expand your mind....or your ass....or both...maybe stick an eyeball in there so you can tell the world what the texture of a fart is....I don't know but that sure would put you in the running for the Nobel.....
So everyone is mad at Big Bird for being on SNL.  Its not like he sucked dick for crack or raped an old lady like Mrs. Howell from Gilligans island....cause god knows the skipper needs the work.

There's your rant so get on your knees and play the runs cause I want some shit to get done, odd sexual innuendo and bend you over parties *NOT YOU MAC*  Yeah so don't live on pasta and fried chicken with your peperoni nipples with onion ring anal piercings and corn dog dingle berry dildos anymore alright?  So back to my cars?  Yeah I hope they get fixed since I'm poor in all but soul, OK there I'm bankrupt but you didn't need to know that....I'm like Frankenstein with a good guy doll and Its head's chopped off and its got a ruptured appendix...but I didn't have the insurance to take it to the hospital because my car was on bricks in the back with three feet high weeds and your gonna say what happened to him....i thought this shit was some semblance of normal now?   NO, no normal fell down the stairs then Gene Simmons put on his fedora and tied up Richard Geres balls and licked his asshole.  Put that on dancing with the stars you motherfuckers........so run it down.....do some drive bys.....shove some foreign objects in your holes....shoot up in your toes...ear ache your eye fuck it take the glass one out put it in your ass and see if you can see you flakes, you can always call them eye boogers later.

Well I thought, I talk about this "book" That is surely not done yet....and outside the experiences displayed within its hallowed walls.....you never get to see me talk dirty.  Seriously you don't since I don't do it....I can be the biggest freak since Steven Seagal and your not gonna hear me tell it.  Remember actions and all that over words...I think it was something like actions and chains and dildos with barbwire wallpaper or something.
So how about I just talk dirty here?  Men this is for the ladies.....this time....but live and learn from what must be either a master of seduction or the most evil person since Captain Kangaroo.
Alright ladies.  I know your all super sexy and luxurious boiling pots of nothing but hot oil and vintage wine.  I know this too.  I just dont say it....im all shy like that even if I pinch your nipples and suck on your pussy while I rub on your....see you it translates so much better in this porno sense at least imo.  Maybe you can sit on my face....Ill even cut my beard to tickly your ass while you do it...fuck it.  You know I know you need to feel something thats.....evil.  You want to know Im going to run my tongue down your body like its ice cream...all flavors welcome.  Yeah fuck it Im evil as fuck and when you let me get down twenty three shots and bypass the john Im all dick past midnight.  And yeah I said that before, but were you listening?
Now I dont know how erotic that was I actually cut it pretty loose....cant have you saying you know all my tricks just from one paragraph.  How about I put it into one sentence.....I can do anything you need me to, its simple as that....maybe you should try it with some of the other men out here....unless of course they really are what you ladies call them all the time.  Gay, with small dicks, cant keep it up dont last etc. etc.  I may be guilty of going off like the fatman over hiroshima but never on a first date....which is probably where I shine brighter than a torch in transilvania.....shit I should have just been a porn star and never fucked the same woman twice....Maybe i should just put a picture of my dick as my signature and see how many email replys I get when I start sending off payments to charity.....I bet the scientology one will be a standing ovation.  
So yeah I kind of teased you ladies there....but hey its what men do, if we arent rapist and cheating gay pedophile murderers we are some kind of tease or never been. In closing children remember its ok to fuck and suck but don’t kiss and tell.

That in and of itself should explain the end of the endless since I gave you so many kind words these many holiday years, i swear its like buying dildos and lotion for a bunch of queers and yeah, I get to do that here.  Fuck it.  I said it, and I will continue to do so at the repulse of the masses or the cessation of my readership, censorship, old age fuck it.  I got no material?  What do you call this?  This shit is more new than you, or that puff penis dick shame you got the medicine under the cabinet for.
So what do we say now....hmm I dont know, you must be thinking...wait.  Why is he rymthing again?  Did you get that new Eminem album and start trying again to bring out the ruler like cock size and break down the barriers to good taste and free love?  I mean since I cant speak fast and the words escape my mouth...youd swear my name was Steven.  
Oh well I just needed to blow off some steam, among other things though I think the only thing Ima blow out is some sleep since I got my taste of crown and some music going.  And dont worry I got some years worth of shit coming, running, gunning like a movie theater text message in the middle of that kiss in spider-man.  Yeah Im going to ruin every day I can like I was the KKK at a black mass with the first church of satan while they conduct same sex marraige.
With that Im out, enjoy your Thanks Giving, and be glad this blog is over.  Next week we will be back in syndication soyou can once again pull up this page to hide the sick ass granny porn you use for masturbation.