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Cracksilvania

1/2/2014

1 Comment

 
You ever drove down a road and though..." Man that shit is spooky as fuck, glad I aint gotta walk down that motherfucker."  Oh and it's noon on a Saturday when you come to said conclusion.  Now I being of such a high celestial esteem and impeccable reputation, would have the honor of breaking down on that same road.  At the beginning of it of course, I would also of course know someone that lives just past the end of it.  Did I mention I have done that? Did I forget it was only at fucking night?  Like three thirty in the morning....when light is not hit the world till your through with your trek through castle Dracula.....
Yeah the scary as fuck hours of the night.  By this time every nightmare and monster in your children s tales and secretly at the back of damn near every man cept maybe Chuck Norris or Rambo's mind has had its coffee and morning time cigarette.  Your just the nice sack of jelly filled donuts its been looking for.
Thats the kind of night Im used to breaking down and the road its gonna be on, when I wasnt even gonna go that way but though fuck it...I'll listen to this song and feel the wind in my hair.  So why is the am so much worse?  Well this road being a terrible road at noon, on Saturday...one of the most relaxed and good feeling days of the week....transforms when the lights go out.  It isnt much worse at say ten pm on Saturday since thats the early part of the night, you might have just now got out for the evening and if your walkin this road for any reason you've got something to drink to make the journey easy and light. 
 No the night gets a lot worse later...by one am the nights in full swing, its like the regular scheduled fuck time or late show, so the witching hour is out in light of this being the twitching hour.  But you add two to that and everything is fucked up on a dark road....yeah these roads dont have street lights...and they have like sixteen cemeteries and wild animals....and it gets like thirty degrees colder once you decide your not sitting there waiting to get murdered.  You talk to yourself to keep shit straight....you smoke...a lot if you smoke, but you dont dare run no matter what....running will only make it worse...for some reason. If your walking till the light hits....it's like the end of a Friday The Thirteenth and shit...you just can't believe you survived the night of the demons.....and everything is alright, even if you were up forty five hours you get a burst of energy and smile and are happy.....
Hopefully that can help clear up some of the nonsense a dark road at three fifteen can conjure and help you see why the  pm hours are out since you associate them with the day light...even if it is dark, no Dracula's out at eleven pm. He's doin dinner and a movie with *shudder* Ann rice.  Maybe there are worse fates than being gay after all.  
1 Comment
Joe
1/2/2014 02:13:02 pm

I was immediately reminded of the time I was riding with you when your car broke down and I had the pleasure of walking home barefoot. As I was passing by the ball field, I'm looking out at the cemetery watching for zombies. Then it occurs to me that if zombies were smart, they'd hide behind the dumpsters and catch me while I'm distracted by watching the cemetery for zombies. Then I start thinking that the zombies would expect me to expect that, so now I'm looking back and forth from dumpster to cemetery. And I can't even try to run, cause I'm barefoot on the blacktop. Finally make it down my road, ALMOST reach my house, when the neighbor lets out their chihuahua. I'm told my screams that night could be heard across town. Good times.

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