Bio Break

Ok so its late...this is a usual thing right?  But a new kind of late as I have swapped from a third shift day ender to a second...so I rolled the end of day clock back about eight hours.  Excitement I'm sure, like taking a well deserved shit, in the toilet or on someones face whichever you prefer....and if your a reader here I would probably vote for the later.

Needless to say i need to keep this short with some machine head blaring and my eyes burning, and the aforementioned bio hazard calling to me since I had some oatmeal.  Yeah oat meal kills my ass.  Its ok to admit your not so regular anymore.....try some oatmeal it will clean that mess right up for you.  Ok.  I'm lying it will probably give you some terrible shits at first, like the how the hell did I shit all the way out my pants level shits.  The ones where you use like six rolls of toilet paper and your ass feels like you just wiped with a piranha when you soap up in the shower.  But, its all for your health so get some oatmeal, its really good for you just bad for your asshole.
So if I'm such an asshole why cant I wear a charmin turban, and if im such a dick head why havent I suffocated with a condom on my head yet?  I think I should be on fact or faked or some shit, get me some money up in this bitch.