Or do I? Well ok, maybe I can say something good about phones? I mean you know if you old you loved that motherfucker….it was this social phenomena! It kept ya waitin in the house, kept you occupied, it cost your parents money if you wanted to call anything other than your grandma or buddy down the way! Wait, I was going to say something good…damn better put on my tin foil hat with left over baked potato on it so I can think modern day here….
Ok, So phones. Like modern mobile devices more like it. My phone is aging now since I don’t get one every time the season changes, and it’s still faster than the first pc I owned. I can probably run the games my pc lagged and failed on at one twenty and in hd on this six inch screen. I am not typing this on that however, I of course use my pc for all the heavy lifting such as this bag of dead fore skin you are now staring at. Back to reality though, Steve Jobs deserves a huge accolade here, this guy….he fucking nailed it. He read our minds before we even thought it.
The iPhone….mobile phone or mobile life changer? This thing is incredible….seriously not being sardonic *big word there look it up* here. This thing brought his os home on a small screen, with modern technology and it just worked. Simple enough for grandma, but “modern” enough for everyone else. Teenager? Boomer? Hipster? Whatever the fuck you were, this was the shit to get. Steve Jobs walked up and sold this shit like a boss.
And you know what? The shit was so good everyone did it. They dick rode the idea’s of one maniac, yeah I think the guy was fucked up socially….but was at the same time a fucking innovator and fucking genius. Anyways enough about Steve Jobs….and fuck the iPhone, I’m just saying it set the standard.
So you know when you do something and sell it to the masses every asshole and his sister will take up and do the same thing. Android phones came, Windows phones, some other shit….probably Android but kinda with down syndrome came. Some were actually better than iPhone, some couldn’t hold the candle that dripped wax on the iPhones nipples. Where am I going with all this you say by now, if you haven’t turned on the hot water and slit your wrist?
Competition is what made these things great. Apple started something and everyone was so hard dick to get in on it they had to advance fast. You can get a damn cheap phone now that plays any console game from your youth you can imagine. And play that shit well it does, just add a couple switch style controls and bam, your robbing and killing hookers in Gta while sitting at your desk at work.
Of course you wont answer that mother fucker to save your life, or someone else’s most likely….the ransom call comes in but since you don’t recognize XXX-XXX-XXXX you say fuck that, probably want some money! FUCK EM! Well yeah…but little Junior aint taking that shit down to the titty club, and that Nigerian prince aint gonna send you back four times your investment if you don’t pick up.
But fuck it, just text me. Or not. Just hit my inbox….maybe I’ll look. If you send nudes I’m sure I will. Maybe just cash app me some goodwill….or buy a stock on coin base…damn these things do everything.
Need to shoot a quick revenge porn? Gotcha, need to scare the locals? Just grab an app and let some rounds off through your Bluetooth speaker. So yeah, fuck the phone part, this things got everything you need except the lips to suck your dick….for now…..