Yeah I think this is it….the one moment…the last moment…until the next one that is…….I want to retire my keyboard everyone.  It’s turned into an I need an adult moment every time I turn on my pc.  Life is stable and should be perceived as “Good” but it’s just another disguise for empty unfulfilled lament at everyone else’s freedoms.  Wait….guess cry for help moment is more appropriate? 
Na not really.  I just get the fire lit when I have a bad day and come here to take a prolonged shit so heavy it kills the ghoulie in the toilet.  I just gotta get the pressure out somehow, and masturbation isn’t good unless you do in front of strangers….I mean you could always  get married have kids, get the white picket fence with a dog outside and two car garage.
Then what?  You sit back and watch tv till you die?
Or do you become Leatherface?   Pay deaf hookers to lick your butthole while a midget fist the Golden Girls? Ok..maybe take the lesser of two evils, put on your Dracula cape, turn off the lights, put on the best thrash metal songs ever and go stick  your dick in the internet. I mean it has infinite holes, plot, thot, dot, snot like up the nose hos and Oh it burns.  Not just when you pee, like anytime you move, but hey I’m not a doctor…but you might want to call an exorcist.
This is the longest winded going away since that guy on the titanic tricked a bitch into getting naked just so he could fake his own death and be with a dude isn’t it?  But you know I’ll be back like crabs.  Yeah the ones with knives that stab your butthole when you try to sit down cause you been raw doggin old bag ladies under the overpass again.  Not that I would judge you for it, that’s why we live in America…..so they can. 
Bad grammar aside I’m going to try to focus on some other things with this grammar stuff, so maybe I can finish some of those ninety five percent complete projects before the apocalypse.  Or maybe I will just give in to the American Dream, do drugs eat McDonalds and go to strip clubs to have threesomes all day until my dick falls off.
So, in closing, I hope this blog, site, this festering pool of hot garbage sewer dead kitten heads has at least made you feel somewhat better.  Maybe somewhere anyways, but don’t tell anyone that cause then they will have me in court looking like Ted Bundy and shit.

But I digress. 

Or do I?  Well ok, maybe I can say something good about phones?  I mean you know if you old you loved that motherfucker….it was this social phenomena! It kept ya waitin in the house, kept you occupied, it cost your parents money if you wanted to call anything other than your grandma or buddy down the way!  Wait, I was going to say something good…damn better put on my tin foil hat with left over baked potato on it so I can think modern day here….

Ok, So phones.  Like modern mobile devices more like it.  My phone is aging now since I don’t get one every time the season changes, and it’s still faster than the first pc I owned.  I can probably run the games my pc lagged and failed on at one twenty and in hd on this six inch screen.  I am not typing this on that however, I of course use my pc for all the heavy lifting such as this bag of dead fore skin you are now staring at.  Back to reality though, Steve Jobs deserves a huge accolade here, this guy….he fucking nailed it. He read our minds before we even thought it.

The iPhone….mobile phone or mobile life changer?  This thing is incredible….seriously not being sardonic *big word there look it up* here.  This thing brought his os home on a small screen, with modern technology and it just worked.  Simple enough for grandma, but “modern” enough for everyone else.  Teenager?  Boomer?  Hipster?  Whatever the fuck you were, this was the shit to get.  Steve Jobs walked up and sold this shit like a boss. 

And you know what?  The shit was so good everyone did it.  They dick rode the idea’s of one maniac, yeah I think the guy was fucked up socially….but was at the same time a fucking innovator and fucking genius.  Anyways enough about Steve Jobs….and fuck the iPhone, I’m just saying it set the standard.

So you know when you do something and sell it to the masses every asshole and his sister will take up and do the same thing.  Android phones came, Windows phones, some other shit….probably Android but kinda with down syndrome came.  Some were actually better than iPhone, some couldn’t hold the candle that dripped wax on the iPhones nipples.  Where am I going with all this you say by now, if you haven’t turned on the hot water and slit your wrist?
Competition is what made these things great.  Apple started something and everyone was so hard dick to get in on it they had to advance fast.  You can get a damn cheap phone now that plays any console game from your youth you can imagine.  And play that shit well it does, just add a couple switch style controls and bam, your robbing and killing hookers in Gta while sitting at your desk at work.

Of course you wont answer that mother fucker to save your life, or someone else’s most likely….the ransom call comes in but since you don’t recognize XXX-XXX-XXXX you say fuck that, probably want some money! FUCK EM!  Well yeah…but little Junior aint taking that shit down to the titty club, and that Nigerian prince aint gonna send you back four times your investment if you don’t pick up.

But fuck it, just text me.  Or not.  Just hit my inbox….maybe I’ll look.  If you send nudes I’m sure I will.  Maybe just cash app me some goodwill….or buy a stock on coin base…damn these things do everything.

Need to shoot a quick revenge porn?  Gotcha, need to scare the locals?  Just grab an app and let some rounds off through your Bluetooth speaker.  So yeah, fuck the phone part, this things got everything you need except the lips to suck your dick….for now…..

So I saw it says estimate....and I'm....well I'm white.  Not that I claim to be black or anything...It's just I'm like really really Western European white....like eighty eight percent.  That's insane....so granddad really was a German huh?  Not a Nazi thank god...he fought em at Normandy....hell of a way to make a statement and stand for MERICA there!

Anyways...the rest is Irish/Scottish with twelve percent....I'm like ok...well whats my daughters?  Her's is the one I mentioned being lit....with so many cool break downs and shit....and it comes back with three places...I forget exact but its similar to me...and throw in the Netherlands.  How the fuck?  I guess you gotta pay to play with these assholes....I wanna see the break down to the t, fuck all this maybe England maybe Belgium....maybe Scandinavia...I need the TRUTH.

And yes. I can handle the fucking truth, fuck you talking about.  Anyways be weary if you get the budget DNA done don't expect the premium answer...its like oh you might be English or......Romanian!  like insert money to find out...and me?  I'm like eat a dick, ill go to 23 and me. all you told me is i have 400K people with similar DNA....I got twenty thousand cousins now..thanks. 

Old folks hitting me up, hey your my second cousin! I'm like....oh yay! Cool! Then proceed to stick my head in an oven...then I remember that shit's electric....now I'm over looking like Robert Englund.  But really, I need to explore this more...since I don't know that may folks this white with a tan like me...maybe I missed the memo on that...I just want to know.  I mean its cool and all to see where your originated...but then when it says the garbage...you get all in your feelings and shit......

Crippling anxiety isn’t cured by doing well in life…I think that it feeds off that shit.  You get one person unhappy and the boat shifts…the unknown is like an alligator in you toilet and you just blindly sat down.  I mean who looks in there before they sit down?  Could be a gun down there with string tied to the toilet paper roll you know. 

I guess I come to vent, I would repent but what have I ever done wrong?  Ok ok, lets not go into that….I guess I’m like some war criminal now that just wants to hide out in Iowa and be a Walmart greeter.  Just fuck off and let me have some of my youth back.  Not like health, I’m gonna eat like shit and never exercise.  That train left the station, derailed and had the shit from return of the living dead onboard.

No I just want to look at the nice things I have and live in obscurity.  Not saying that to be sad woe is me…so don’t even get that idea, and if you do eat a shit covered dick. No make that three at once.  I just say that cause I like these things you may not, and I never got famous so I say let me have my peace and you have yours….and if you can’t?  Well go write about it.  Work on something, paint, play, act….do something. 

Turn a loss into a win and then go out and write a book after your ready to retire.  See even more money just by talking about the shit that made you decide you wanted to be great or be fucked.  Can’t lose if you got nothing going on.  Not here to motivate you, I am still working on shit like I always talked about….at the pace of an Image comic creator or that guy from GOT but
I’m getting there damn it.

So go ahead and try something or don’t. 

Just remember to  leave me the fuck alone when your dog runs away with your wife, you end up in jail for all the chainsaws covered in hookers blood they find in the back seat of your car and you get the death penalty and share a cell with a guy named Kisses.

Speaking of string...yeah, I know you were thinking there was no way I would ever make sense with a title to a blog....it's not
a fucking song people.  This is not the chorus for fucks sake.  But....big butt.....love those...but still....the title took me
back to when I was a kid...

I remember being a kid and grabbing a couple of the latest Masters of the Universe figures at K-mart.  I got Cobra Khan....cool motherfucker
could spit water and shit...and then I got Webstor.  Now I didn't realize as a dumb-ass kid this was all throw away characters made to sell more
toys....I just knew these shits were lit. I was like hell yeah this dude got fucking strings and shit and can hang from walls.....that is until you
unwind it one fucking time with the little grapple hook and it breaks.  Then you bury Cobra Khans head cause Fakor took He-mans place and wasn't with
that live and let live bullshit.  

Of course I tossed Webstor in the closet since he was just an ugly ass bitch after his string didn't work anymore....bumpy head ass ho, and Cobra Khan too
since I got called back to the house and forgot where I buried his damn head.  That is until about ten years later when I happened to find it....I was like
Wait whats this shit?  Bam shrunken head.com.  That could be a porno couldn't it....it makes the mind wander....Either way I left his head there since I didn't want like some toy story ghost and shit whuppin my ass when I disturbed the grave or some shit.  

Anyways, side story done....I loved yarn and shit as a kid....not to knit or any gay shit like that....for the fact it was cool af like playing in the sink and drowning grasshoppers.  You could use that thing called imagination to all kids of shit.....like have Spider-man web up a tornado then use it to toss bad guys in like a blender....

What?  Your Spider-man wasn't a secret sociopath alcoholic? He didn't take drugs and choke hookers?  Not that there's anything wrong with that.....

I mean I think I have accomplished so much, but when I look back I'm like man....life really does start to get boring
and suck when your older.  Now I see why all these women like to get choked and called bitches....need something new
whats love got to do with it when your getting ass pounded and your face covered up like a widow at a one man bukkake?
Maybe...just maybe.....they are on to something here.

Now, I'm not here to cry, for real.  I do pretty well...but my time is monopolized more than Milton Bradly getting the Star Wars license anymore.  I said it about five hundred times now, work sucks out life.  School sucks out youth....this world is just here to kill you like a cancer.  It's a work in progress, and they have made so many mind fuck strides recently its either dumb luck or some got damn genius at the controls.  Big red button?  Fuck that, all they have to do is put an ad on face book and let you fuck your cousin these days.

It's sad they don't know shit about us but know what to tell us we want.  Easy to control people with no direction.  Invisible enemies,
imaginary terrorist groups....just speak on it and someone will make the shit real.  

I know I don't put much stock in words have power...but when someone is always listening?  

That's when shit gets real and all over your feet...the grainy kind...that you cant get off....with grass in it...and it fucking stinks....
and you can't even wash it off with the hose cause you know your shoes will never be the same again.  

Well dookie feet, until next time....I'm gonna go abuse myself and choke some homeless people....as soon as I get my good sport jacket and planet of the apes
mask back from the cleaner that is....

Haven't even hit that mid life crisis yet but I been dead inside long before this....so what to do?  Buy more shit?

Ignore Tyler Durden and just go all out like Flash Thompson?  Lose your legs and walk on my dick I guess...gonna lose a few inches of height but I bet this Pogo stick gets me the bogo treatment at all the gas stations around town.

Professional, got the dope side room, quiet spot...just stuff all the skeletons back in the closet and when they try to talk back hit em with the rubber hose.  Yeah, its some odd innuendo going on like always....caustic like boiling pine sol and drinking it overate like a Syder cut.  The end is near but we will meet again type shit.  I'm always gonna be here like a nightmare on elm street but when you tell me I'm not real Ima just shoot your ass. And if its big ima shoot it with at least six ropes like a cenobite.

Ok enough of that, moral of the story folks, we all evolve....and have to find that niche.  Some of us are adults early in life so we hit that mid life at thirty, some of us never seem to find the painting to hang over the fire place.  I guess I just had to come here to bitch about the fact that I found it...and that bitch caught on fire and burned my house down.  

Put all that in your hat, choke the rabbit, buy a chainsaw and rob a c store with it folks.  I'll be back next time like venereal disease and on a book shelf near you just so you can hate your relatives again soon.

Until next time, stay jelly cause that peanut butter came out of someones butt.

Yeah so I’m back to roast you like some kind of nuts over a fire at Christmas time.  I don’t know why the fuck you would roasting some nuts…I mean really?  What do you do put them in a fucking pan like some pop corn?  Id rather have the fucking popcorn at this point…..oh so your gonna say roasted peanuts and shit?  Or cashews?  Oh we can tell your white now…I mean of course I like cashews….but still….no salt please…my bp cant take it.  Or was that all the Viagra I been taking?  I swear my dick looks like a fucking smurf…..

Wait….What was I saying?

Should I digress here?  Should I go into a cancel culture dialect?  Wait! I cant!  Why? Cause I’m not fucking gay.  Yeah, gay in the shitty happy you fucking suck kind of way.  I mean you can be gay homosexual now and that’s….ok.  But you can never be gay like this.  I mean these fuckers make getting cancer look like a preferred way of life to what they are.  Not became as they never were shit…they just are…. existing like a fly on a piece of shit…that someone else peed on…maybe threw up on it a couple times…cause they drank too much and then lifted the lid…were like oh man I don’t feel so good….and
BAM!  There it is.

A huge fucking turd.

Gen z…. or whatever you call yourselves now, Perry Mason with a beard looking ass mothercukers. Just take Ricky Ricardo and give him some tattoos, make him blow animals at the zoo and dress in bums clothes too for good measure though.  Yeah.  I may like your women…. well no not really….but I can try to…hence the Viagra…hey it helps…..Generation X is like the leaning tower now and shit…we are what the baby boomers though we weren’t…that you new kids on the cock be. 

Goddamn I feel like a winner.  Thanks for destroying the world grandchildren.  I knew it had to end one day…but fuck can’t it at least wait till I’m dead? 
No?
Well fuck.

Wait wet? Wet Dog?  No bitch, PCP, flyin like a saucer right through your window.  Right into the kitchen and eat your sandwich.  Watch out now lock up the good china cause Ima paint it white with this discharge that catches a charge and makes women large.  

But I digress *clears throat*

Let's get real.  The world....it sucks.  Job?  It fucking sucks.  Life?  It's ok.  Just gotta take the lumps and get back out the bed and do this shit. If you don't believe it can get better it can't.  Just be too stubborn to die and never give a fuck when the chips are down cause no one has more to gain that a motherfucker with nothing left to lose.  Give a man hope and happiness and he will cower...take all that away and he gains some new super powers.

Just take that and sit on it....maybe it can fill ya up like a big gulp.  The purple drank kind....with crushed ice...and diabetes.  Can't leave out the good stuff ya know...

You ever fell like life is just another act until it becomes reality, and it's like eating ice cream at a people of Walmart bukake party?  
That's life...that's what everyone says.  You try to quote Machiavelli and you cant even spell it. You probably take shits in bags just to sit back and smell it.  This is what your free will and sense of community comes to.

You leave the fucking struggle out of fear and complicity.  You get in a comfort zone and just take it like you dropped the fucking soap in the shower. This is life today.  You cant be free since your too afraid to live.
Wait is it you or is it me? 

Maybe its all of us.  We got the wool so far over our eyes it's like bestiality.  I guess I got a fire lit and now you need to douse it...bring something wet wet to the party cause I need some more stains on my bed...don't worry I won't tell your husband.

I spun out of control and gotta hope I can spin into the wall, sometimes dead is better but not when the pussy wetter.  Or was that the grass is greener?
At this point I do know smelling shit is better than eating it, so I gotta make some moves money or not.  Sandwich bread hamburgers and hotdogs, spam and tuna just mix it with rice and picante it makes everything better.  Maybe spritz on some vinegar like you do with your wife when your eating her fish.

I would say sorry I went too far or I didn't say enough, you say cry for help and I say War cry and this is Sparta. If I cut my hair and shave I can vanish in the crowd, sleep under some newspapers and pee on myself to stay warm.  What can you do?  Read the paper and go to bible study?  Yeah sounds good, but I prefer what I do now, I'm like a movie people pay to see me, wanna be me.  Erotic, neurotic and always socio psychotic, kinda like a Teddy Bear full of asbestos.  

Ok I'm going to run for the border like the taco bell Chihuahua when Jackie Chan comes to town.  Hopefully I didn't shed light on your life too much, id hate for you guys to turn to dust, just turn on dark mode in Firefox, on your iPhone or whatever....it helps. And never let anyone tell you you aren't beautiful!

Even morloks need love!  I'm on your side here...like peanut butter and jelly crackers on your grilled cheese you say its too good to be true.  But this is reality and your living your best life, so if you'll excuse me I have to grab my
Bill Cosplay sweater and pick your wife up from work.....