Yeah, did I ever tell you how much I hate marshmallows? Rice crispies get a pass, hard pass but they are at least edible. They don’t cause scanners head explosive reactions, but don’t really get my dick hard either. Now with that said, I especially hate Lucky Charms. Nothing good comes from a Leprechaun. Them mf’s carry bed bugs, shake babies, drown puppies, and have a needle they shared with Charlie Sheen on hand at all times.
With that out of my system, much like many delusions of grandeur or hope for a quiet retirement in a nice…..community. Let’s move on. So my oldest child is now an adult. Not like I’m eighteen adult, no like I’m twenty one and need things adult. Now this isn’t a big problem, as a parent you should do, your co-parent/tormentor/demon should pitch in too, but of course we know…when you are forced to basically eat garbage and drink yourself into a coma nightly for eighteen years how that goes.
Now with me being “mature” and responsible I said of course I’ll get a car to take care of your needs! This of course before I had looked at the logistics. When I did I said ok, make some changes, buy a newer car, give my old trusty one up. Sound good right? Yes, about as good as huffing paint at a petting zoo good. After these changes, other changes came…like a lower bottom line for wages, folks aint coughin so the money went down.
I though well, ok then. I suppose I will figure it out, then I looked at it much like you do not look at your dates and thought….there has to be some kind of standard. Some line drawn in the sand! Much like my parents to me, I set out a requirement, no car if said requirement is not met. Foot, meet floor. Much of course to my adult child’s chagrin. Of course, I had to take a moment and ask my elders if this was fair? Does it make sense? They looked at me with that face that says, dumbass….yes?! The fuck you gotta ask that for?! With my course confirmed, and as I drank my Jameson…..I put the pieces in place.
Like a round block in a square peg. Welcome back to reality! As I waited for my conditions to be met I drove my old trusty….and like much like most men……I couldn’t let it go. How could I? I can’t let what I thought was a bad decision go when it has served me like a Japanese soldier living on an island in WW2 for fifty years. Nope sorry, I wont send this one out to the ovens that so surely are being warmed up as we speak. Go ahead and give your kid your best car and see how “Best” it is in six months.
Back to the drawing board, now my misdeed will lead me to find something for the adult child. Of course it doesn’t help that everyone with a hollowed out corpse with wheels strapped to it wants five thousand. Oh and its tax time. Wonderful times I tell ya! Maybe fortune will favor me….another car will be sacrificed to the junk yard, just not mine….
The moral of the story is…..don’t give your good shit to your kids. I mean maybe if your dead, but even then you can take quite a bit with you if you don’t get cremated….but I digress. Get your kids something of their own to ruin, hopefully they surprise you and it’s not their ticket to an sr22 or ends up rusting on the side of the road.
Just think of it like the obligatory last call girl, or call girl, you get to stick your foot in it then send it home for someone else to put the final bullets in :D
Now with me being “mature” and responsible I said of course I’ll get a car to take care of your needs! This of course before I had looked at the logistics. When I did I said ok, make some changes, buy a newer car, give my old trusty one up. Sound good right? Yes, about as good as huffing paint at a petting zoo good. After these changes, other changes came…like a lower bottom line for wages, folks aint coughin so the money went down.
I though well, ok then. I suppose I will figure it out, then I looked at it much like you do not look at your dates and thought….there has to be some kind of standard. Some line drawn in the sand! Much like my parents to me, I set out a requirement, no car if said requirement is not met. Foot, meet floor. Much of course to my adult child’s chagrin. Of course, I had to take a moment and ask my elders if this was fair? Does it make sense? They looked at me with that face that says, dumbass….yes?! The fuck you gotta ask that for?! With my course confirmed, and as I drank my Jameson…..I put the pieces in place.
Like a round block in a square peg. Welcome back to reality! As I waited for my conditions to be met I drove my old trusty….and like much like most men……I couldn’t let it go. How could I? I can’t let what I thought was a bad decision go when it has served me like a Japanese soldier living on an island in WW2 for fifty years. Nope sorry, I wont send this one out to the ovens that so surely are being warmed up as we speak. Go ahead and give your kid your best car and see how “Best” it is in six months.
Back to the drawing board, now my misdeed will lead me to find something for the adult child. Of course it doesn’t help that everyone with a hollowed out corpse with wheels strapped to it wants five thousand. Oh and its tax time. Wonderful times I tell ya! Maybe fortune will favor me….another car will be sacrificed to the junk yard, just not mine….
The moral of the story is…..don’t give your good shit to your kids. I mean maybe if your dead, but even then you can take quite a bit with you if you don’t get cremated….but I digress. Get your kids something of their own to ruin, hopefully they surprise you and it’s not their ticket to an sr22 or ends up rusting on the side of the road.
Just think of it like the obligatory last call girl, or call girl, you get to stick your foot in it then send it home for someone else to put the final bullets in :D
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